With Lauren Bell
Photo by Becca Lemire Photography
First, I just need to say that I loved reading Suture. I paint and write myself, and I know I that felt seen, especially within the character Finn. Do you see yourself in any of your characters?
Thank you!! I’m so happy that you said it that way, that you felt seen. I see myself in all of the characters, honestly--even the ones that are loosely based on other people from my life. Because I was writing Suture throughout my entire twenties, my characters kept shifting as I grew as a person and a writer, and I ended up infusing parts of myself in all of them. But Grace and Eva are the two main sides of my personality coin - the worst of me lives in Grace, and the latest of me lives in Eva.
What inspired you to write Suture?
Content warning: suicidal ideation
This question comes to me somewhat frequently, and I try to give a different kind of answer every time. The origin story: it started as an assignment for a university class on Satire. The heart of it: it wasn’t something I felt I had a choice in, this story that grew of its own accord, that taught me and learned from me, that miraculously found a home with my favourite people at my favourite publisher. But one of the many constant things that inspired me to write Suture is that I kept not dying. I wasn’t always trying, but so often I wanted to, and when I would come out the other side of the deep dark, when I’d find the perspective that doesn’t exist inside the deep dark, I needed to know more about it, and to do that I needed to write. Writing is the only thing that has ever come naturally to me, and it felt like the only way I was going to be able to survive my rounds with the deep dark was to write about the ache of it, and to write about the getting through.
There is some debate as to what genre Suture is. Specifically, is it horror or literary fiction? But I see in your bio, you describe yourself as a “creator of genre-less fiction”? What’s your stance on Suture and the significance of genre-less fiction in general?
Oh goodness, I feel like I could write extensively on my thoughts about genre, but I will do my best to pare it down. I think genre has a few purposes: to guide readers, to guide writers, and to sell books. The value of genre-less fiction, in my mind, is that is offers no guidance and has no motives--there is a certain amount of work required from the reader to bring themselves to the story, and for the writer it is a spectacularly difficult exercise in introspection: what do I want from this work? How do I want the reader to be able to situate themselves? What is the galaxy of this story, what are the minutiae of its goals?
So, what genre is Suture? I love that we’ve chosen horror/thriller as one of its genres, because it is very much not what most people would consider horror - and yet, it’s suspenseful, it’s gory, and its violence must be addressed by the book’s end. I love that it nestles into this genre to reach unsuspecting readers, and I think that the horror genre generally is seeing a really inspiring diversification--ghost stories have always been stories a way to confront trauma, and we are now seeing those stories in the horror genre from writers whose backgrounds--whose traumas--have been historically underrepresented in any literature, and particularly in genre fiction. Also, there is so much scholarly work on queering horror!! I am not educated enough to go into it here, but a huge part of it is about reclaiming queer-coded villains. Okay, sorry, I have veered a little bit, but my point is that I feel very lucky to have my little gay book building a home in the horror genre.
Literary fiction, on the other hand, is something of a catch-all genre. Theoretically, literary fiction has to do with the quality of the writing, and the general non-existence of other generic tropes - but it has come to contain its own generic tropes, and I think we see a lot of really innovative, exciting writers wanting to eschew the literary fiction label. As a result, we get autofiction, we get linked stories, we get novels in verse, we get speculative fiction, and so on - we get genre-less fiction that needs a name, because as much as writing is art, bookselling is still a business. So for Suture, I also happy to have it living among other literary fictions, because is not quite like the others, and growth comes from difference. When stories don’t fit somewhere, they expand the possibility of what may be able to fit in the future, and that’s thrilling - that’s genre-less fiction.
You use a lot of imagery, especially when describing the character’s creative process, how did you prepare yourself/what strategies did you have for writing those scenes?
Content warning: self-harm, eating disorder
Although I have never liked gory movies, I have always been fascinated by the potential of body horror, and I think this probably stemmed from my long history with self-harm and eating disorders. As someone who never felt at home in my body, I was always trying to figure out how to make my sack of skin and bones bearable. I loved sports for this reason (individual sports only, I have never been good at teamwork), because I got to just hurtle myself through space with a really specific purpose - I got to do, without having to think much. So when I found myself writing a body horror story, the gore of it never bothered me at all, because in some way it felt like I was just writing about how it felt to try to exist in a body that seemed to betray me at every turn. It was also, surprisingly, never triggering, perhaps because the imagery went so far beyond what a person could ever realistically do, that it almost felt like relief to be able to have the action out in the world without needing to perform it.
Since we’re talking about imagery, some of your writing in Suture almost seems poetic at times, what made you choose to present Suture in narrative form, rather than poetry, or any other medium (e.g., film)?
I mentioned above that writing is the only thing that’s ever come naturally to me, so although I’ve absolutely envisioned Suture as art and film (would love it, would absolutely love to see Suture as a film), I knew I’d never be able to do the vision justice with my own skills or resources.
As for a narrative form, rather than poetry--I am a die-hard prose person. I think prose poems are just flash fiction, and I love it so much when weird, fragmented, genre-less things fall into fiction instead of into poetry. I feel like there is a mindset around poetry that it’s allowed to be difficult, and that fiction should be more straightforward, and I reject that entirely. Fiction is just a story; prose is just writing without line breaks. Books like A Girl is a Half-Formed Thing or Girl, Woman, Other could just as easily have been called poetry, and I don’t think poets would have objected--poetry, for some reason, is perceived as being allowed to push its own boundaries, and I just want fiction to have that same freedom. (Also, for the record, I do love poetry.)
(Related to this rant: A section of The Odyssey was included in this year’s Short Story Advent Calendar, and I was absolutely thrilled by it. Because, yes! How is Beowulf not fiction? How is The Odyssey not a novel?)
Could you talk a bit about your dedication? (For reference, Suture is dedicated to “anyone who needs it”)
Suture is first dedicated to Tab, a friend of mine who died by suicide. Books have the power to save people and heal people, because being seen is a gift when you’re in an impossible situation. As I finished Suture, I couldn’t help but think that I hoped it was the kind of book that might have saved Tab, at least for a little longer, that it’s the kind of book that might have saved me. But I also hoped it was the kind of book that might help a parent or partner understand the impenetrable ache of a child or a spouse alone in the deep dark. So in this way, it was an olive branch, to the sad readers, and to the readers who do not always understand the sadness: for anyone who needs it.
Suture addresses some serious themes, including love, empathy, and sacrifice. Why do you think Finn’s, Eva’s, and Grace’s voices need to be heard?
I think that Finn’s, Eva’s, and Grace’s voices are, honestly, already very well-represented in art. I’m not sure I even do feel that their voices are the most important part of the story, although obviously I believe their characters are the very heart of it. I think what makes Suture valuable are its secondary characters: the people who love Finn, Eva, and Grace, and who see them through the major moments of their lives. For characters, or people, like Finn, Eva, and Grace, I don’t think they can help but make themselves heard, but I have often wished to see behind the curtain of someone’s life, and hear from the rest of the cast -- that, I believe, is what needs to be heard. Not their voices, but the possibilities of how to have a conversation with them.
Now that Suture is published, will there be another book from you in the future?
I certainly hope so! I have become entirely obsessed with ghosts and haunted houses, and I’ve started drafting a possible plan for my own weird haunted house novel. I expect I will write it no matter what, and I certainly hope it may find a home with a publisher and make its way into the world as a book eventually.
With all the experience you have writing and publishing, what advice would you give to aspiring authors who are trying to navigate the publishing world?
My advice is probably some of the worst advice, because it is the queen of cliches: be true to yourself. Understanding your own needs, limits, and resources is so important for you and the people you love, and I think that pursuing any art form comes with a very real pressure of burning yourself out. I absolutely still struggle with this! I feel like I can only do a fraction of what other people manage to do, but I have prioritized my relationship and my physical and mental health, and there is only so much time in a day. If a book takes five years to write, so it takes five years. If a book takes ten years to write, so it takes ten years. If a book is written in fits and starts, on snow days and long weekends, great. If a book is written in a sprint during a two-week vacation, great. In my opinion, the single most important thing is to lead a life you are proud of, and do what you can to pursue what is important to you.
And try not to compare yourself. I mean, we all do it, but try not to put too much stock into it. You’re doing great. Go have a sip of water, though.
What is your “must-read” book recommendation and what book has had the most impact and influence on your writing?
Ah, the impossible question! Infinite Jest and A Girl is a Half-Formed Thing likely had the most impact and influence on my writing. I loved that neither of these books even considered making themselves more approachable to the reader, not even for a moment. They are genius, and they are so true to their own goals, and they made me feel like even if my writing never did make it out into the world, if I was true to my vision and didn’t cater to an imagined reader, I would be happy with what I produced - and that was very, very true. (Although I didn’t actually like Infinite Jest in the end, because I felt the last 300 pages undermined everything that had been set up thus far.)
My “must-read” book recommendation changes depending on who I’m talking to, but my favourite book is To the Lighthouse by Virginia Woolf. It is simply incredible, and it knocked Catch-22 out of my top spot a few years ago. I share and talk about a lot of what I read on the Instagram account @sadgirlsreading!