By Anusha Runganaikaloo
Content Warning: violence, racism, transphobia, suicide
I Hope We Choose Love: A Trans Girl’s Notes From the End of the World is a collection of personal essays and poems by writer, performer, and community healer Kai Cheng Thom. Interestingly, it was written in the spring of 2019 but is so timely and visionary that it could have been written in the post-pandemic era that we are entering. This book offers the perspective of a trans woman of colour on subjects that few have dared to tackle in such a candid way. From the alarming suicide rate in trans communities to the true meaning of transformative justice, the author leaves no stone unturned in her quest for authenticity.
The book is divided into three parts: “Let Us Live,” “Let Us Love,” and “Let Us Believe,” each consisting of about five essays and poems. The first deals mainly with profound crises that plague social justice communities, such as call-out culture, intimate partner abuse, public shaming, and suicide enabling. The author emphasizes that the very community proposing to provide a safe space for its members knows a lot about trauma but so little about how to heal it. In fact, much of the trauma endured by queer, racialized, or, more generally speaking, marginalized people originates from within the community itself. An example of this is the “performance of virtue,” which can be described as the never-ending struggle to demonstrate one’s adherence to the latest politically correct, albeit simplistic, terminology. Unfortunately, this “activist theatre” hides an inability to conduct meaningful dialogue that would take each person’s complex situation into consideration.
“Let Us Love” handles difficult issues like rape culture and collective responsibility for violence. Among other things, the author observes that, particularly in Montreal’s queer punk scene, in which she was immersed for several years, safety and accountability are core principles. Violence in any form is condemned, at least in theory, and perpetrators are denounced and publicly called out on social media. However, all is not black and white. The truth is, perpetrators are often survivors who reproduce the abuse they endured, and the cancel culture they are subjected in no way heals them, their victims, or the community. What can be done, then, to build a safe community, free of bodily harm and intimate violence, especially against trans women of colour, who are among the most likely to be assaulted? The author advocates for a transformative justice movement, where both survivors and perpetrators would be seen as community members worthy of love and healing. Where the focus would be on prevention of harm rather than on punishment.
Part three, “Let Us Believe,” reads almost like a memoir that provides deep insight into the author’s personal experience as a racialized trans woman who emerges, breaks under social pressure, rises, transforms, and gives birth to herself. The reader by turns laughs and cries with her as she shares memories of being an idealistic new adult who gradually sees the members of her chosen family leave her behind as they build nuclear families based on the heteronormative stereotype and raise children. Her reflection about the significance of motherhood for a trans woman is particularly poignant and relatable.
This book explores broad topics that encompass society and entreats each of us to love in an enlightened, accountable way. The author takes us on a rollercoaster ride with her alternate use of incisive prose and luminous poetry. We are left at once shaken and full of hope.